Nincompoop Spotted!

I discussed about Nincompoops in my last post. Here is a bystander's account of an incident which depicts a Nincompoop at his best:

Man on Railway platform provides comic relief to commuters

Mumbai, Sometime in June: Commuters on the Mahalaxmi station were witness to a very curious incidence recently…… at approx. 12 midnight a local train stopped at the station and out came a man to buy a bottle of water from a vendor….. as he was about to purchase the bottle …. The train chugged ……. Supremely confident of what he was doing the man quickly grabbed the bottle and started running for the train…. But alas muscle power is no match for a diesel behemoth…. Soon the train got fast to get the man thinking of new and “bright” ideas…. He threw the bottle inside the compartment…. The bottle landed with a thud and startled the otherwise sleepy crowd…. Also it grabbed their attention as until now they were not aware of the ongoings…… the man now was confident that he just has to climb in…. but he had a wallet in the other hand and he wanted both hands to be free to go for the plunge……so what does he do….. u guessed it…… he threw the wallet also into the compartment……what next u might ask….. well he missed the train…… had no money and guess what he was still thirsty…… but this chain of events had evoked hysterical laughter amongst other people on the platform and also inside the train…. To his misfortune both his friends who happened to be on the train had run out of battery on their cell phones…… luckily some kind soul gave them a phone to call Mr. Einstein and all were reunited an hour later…….

The man is known to have fled to Chennai ever since…….. no one knows who he was……

Correspondent: Anshul Ajit

Incidently, I was in Mumbai sometime in June and all this gives me a feeling of a déjà vu . I leave it to the readers to decipher the rest.

Sincerely,

The Blah Man

The Genesis

Everybody has a right to look dumb sometime in their lives. While some may have a higher propensity to make a fool of themselves at every opporuntity presented to them, others exhibit this ability in spurts.

As always , I will exhibit my systematic thinking and analytical bent of mind by categorizing the human species into three broad sub categories

1. Dodos: These are people who have transgressed all boundaries of intelligence and have permanently taken abode in the land of the dumb. Born to be extinct, Dodos can seldom attribute their asinine behavior to an external factor and almost always find themselves to be the chief perpetrator of the dumbest act that has happened in their vicinity. Dodos are an onlooker’s delight and a nightmare for any person even remotely associated with them.

Percentage share in human population: 30%

2. Nincompoops: This category has people who are usually mistaken to be normal human beings but when struck by a fit of Nincompoopia , they exhibit a fatuous behavior of the highest order to put even the Dodos to shame. For the uninitiated, Nincompoopia is a common disease and often strikes when there is a possibility of maximum damage which translates into a situation where a maximum number of onlookers can get to watch a fool in action. The disease is highly contagious and one can expect an average of 6 in every 10 people to be infected.

Nincompoops carry themselves with great dignity and seriousness and usually blame an act of stupidity to sheer bad luck and Mr. Murphy.

Percentage share in human population: 60%

3. Super Heroes: This is the most exciting of all categories . Super heroes have special powers which make them superbeings but for some strange reason they prefer to wear their underwear over their pants.

Percentage share in human population: 10%

While I am it, let me make a confession that I fall into the category of Nincompoops.

I grew up like any normal child without showing any symptoms of being a Nincompoop during my pre -teen years. I would do well in school and at sports but somehow never enjoyed quizzing and mind stimulating games. This was probably a sign of things to come. As I moved into my teens, I started exhibiting traits of what I was going to be for the rest of my life.

I still remember the first time I felt I was one of them. It started like a usual school day; the morning assembly, the Lord’s Prayer and a small lecture on discipline by our principal. Once back into our classes we were checked for our conformance to the school uniform.

The law of the school was that any student caught for nonconformance would be taken to the school playground where they would be put to picking up stones and preparing the field for the evening football match. It sounded barbaric but it was quite a fun for the ‘punished’ students. No student ever worked in the field and everybody enjoyed the winter sun as they chatted and rejoiced over the legitimate status to their playing a truant .Often they would split into teams and have a small football match as well. In short, punishment for non conformance in school uniform was everybody’s dream.

In my case, it was no longer a dream. It was an aspiration.

As the prefects walked into the classroom to pick out the lucky ones, I suddenly had an urge to achieve my aspirations on that very day. I checked my uniform – it was prim and proper. I cursed myself for getting it right again which was largely because my mom would never falter. However, since I had made up my mind, I started exploring other options. Whoever said that “A friend in need is a friend indeed” had probably been through a similar situation before because just as I was about to give up all hope I saw my best friend from school. He grinned as he showed his Red socks to me. He had definitely done his homework well by ensuring that he had all the chance of getting caught and in style.

My first reaction was that of envy for I knew that he would soon have the prerogative of the punishment while I would sit through a boring lesson of History. And then, almost out of nowhere, my devilish mind produced an idea. At this moment, I am reminded of a famous Hindi proverb which says - Jab kutte ki maut aati hai to woh shahar ki taraf bhagta hai (When a dog is about to meet his end, he runs towards the city). No points for guessing that I was going to play the proverbial dog here.

The idea was simple and followed the basic management principle of working within ones resources-


The Situation: Two friends seeking the opportunity of bunking a lecture
The Resource: A pair of red socks
The Solution: Share the pair!

So, we did it. I put on one of his socks and he put on one of mine. In effect, my friend had a black sock in one and a red one in the other foot and so did I.

As expected, we were caught and asked to line up in front of the class. I walked out with my chest puffed up with pride and chuckled to myself for having pulled it off so neatly. As we pranced across the corridors, I could see other students peeping out of their classrooms to catch a glimpse of the lucky **** of the day. I wanted to scream out - Sorry guys, it just isn’t your day.. better luck next time!!

The parade of the nonconformists marched across the length of the school and just when I was getting ready to turn left towards the football field, I saw the entire queue turning to the right.

It is important for me to explain the significance of this right turn at this point. The right turn led straight to the only operational room in southern part of the school building. The room belonged to the most loathed creature in the school – The physical training instructor – Mr. L. I asked a few others about the possible reason behind our changed course of path but they were as clueless. For the first time in my life, I felt like a bolt getting ready to be screwed.

As it turned out, Mr. L had decided to change the nature of the punishment. It was no more about cleaning up the field and picking stones. The new punishment was 5 canes each on the butt.

The only person who seemed delighted by the change in punishment was my friend. He started laughing hysterically while pointing at me and I surely knew why.

I was at the end of the 7 member line and hence the last one to get my share of five. I heard about 25 screams of Ahs and Ouchs before I heard five ‘Haiys’ sandwiched between sputters of laughter from the 6th person who of course, was my friend. And then it was my turn.

For the rest of the day I walked in an awkward manner and refused to sit on a chair in the classroom. Back at home in the afternoon, I sulked till evening before my fatigue drowned me into a deep dog-like sleep.

So that’s how it all started. What followed was a string of preposterous incidents that was to last a lifetime. I have already scripted a few here and promise to script many more as and when they happen and I get over with my initial bouts of humiliation to eventually laugh at them with others.

Sincerely,

The Blah Man

The Spelling Techniques of Chennai - Part II

With my stay at Chennai hitting the 2 months' mark, I have found myself wiser, smarter and better prepared for the city and its people. The latest addition to my vast and ever-expanding ocean of knowledge is in the area of language (again).
In my last post on language I had written about the strong affinity that people fo Chennai have for the letter 'H'. I was convinced that 'H' was the king of letters untill I discovered that even 'H' hasn't been spared the persecution.

The Prosecution of H - Justice Delayed, Not Denied
Every word - common noun, proper noun adjectives, adverbs etc. that rightfully has an 'H' somewhere within it will have its 'H' pronounced as 'GH' .
E.g. Mahindra becomes MaGHindra, Ahmed become AGHmed etc.
This results in a sound which gives an impression that the person is launching a massive load of his ususal conversational spit. The interesting bit is that while 'H' was busy getting appended to every other letter, it did not see its neighbor closing on it from behind.
Retribution at last.

The BlaGH Man

P.S: I can imagine the other letters hailing justice and having the last laugh - GHa GHa GHa...

The Smart Ass Gets a Kick

Ass; Everybody has one. I have one too, only that I thought mine was a real smart one. Having stated that, I must also confess that my perception changed yesterday.

I am currently in the process of furnishing my new home. I woke up yesterday a bit early and after doing the usual morning business sat down with the to do list that I had meticulously prepared the day before. I have this habit of letting out a little chuckle as a token of appreciation for my systematic and efficient way of doing things and I knew my to do list here deserved at least half of it. So I let it out as I read through the list:

1. Move the luggage from the guest house to the new house
2. Receive the delivery of the new A/Cs
3. Get the A/Cs installed
4. Get a Mattress and a small Cupboard
5. Get a T.V, Refrigerator and a DTH connection
6. Celebrate the successful moving in with a nice dinner and enjoy

It all looked pretty simple. After all , I had planned everything. A light commercial vehicle had been booked the previous day to carry the luggage, the A/C guys had been provided with the address and the time for the delivery, the installation guys had also been kept in the loop and ofcourse, purchasing a mattress and the white goods was going to be a cakewalk.

The guys who were to come to pick up my luggage didn’t turn up on time. I was starting to get worried when my phone screamed out for my attention. I composed myself and took the call -

Me: Hullo?
The voice on the other end (TVOOE): A/C Delivery sir!
Me: Oh yeah.. Sure. Please deliver it at Flat#5, residential unit, opposite Konika, M.G Road, Shastri Nagar, Adyar. And could you tell me how long are you going to take? 'Cause you see, I am not there right now so it's going to take me about half an hour to reach. In case you reach before me , please wait outside and I'll be there to take the delivery. Is that O.K?

There was absolute silence on the other end so I Hulloed a few times to check if the line was still active.

TVOOE: Sir! #$!!!*&^++)(^^& A/C ^%##$!%%$!!!! Adyar #*^%$$%^ Delivery Sir!

All the special characters written above and all that are to follow denote TAMIL words

Me: No Tamil ! Tamil Illai! English speaking?
TVOEE: English sir!
Me: Yes English Yes!
TVOEE: #$!!!*&^++)(^^& A/C ^%##$!%%$!!!! Adyar #*^%$$%^ Delivery Sir!

It was the same code that I couldn’t decipher; I thought maybe he didn’t understand the address so I repeated the same to him.

Me: Shastri Nagar!
TVOEE: SHASTRHRI NAGARAA !!!
Me: Konika!
TVOEE: KHONIKHAAA !!!

I was beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Me: Opposite!
TVOEE: OPPOSITE!!!
TVOEE: #$!!!*&^++) (^^& A/C ^%##$! %%$!!!! Adyar #*^%$$%^ Delivery Sir!

The same code! I knew this wasn’t going to work so I rushed out of the house.
As I ran outside, I looked for any person with a friendly expression on his countenance. After about 2 minutes of panic I saw him. He had big black eyes and pearl white teeth which were showing through his benevolent smile. He was surrounded by three ladies who seemed to be in an intense discussion with him; all of them at the same time which made them sound like Emenem, Usher and Puff Daddy all trying to rap together. Tall, very dark and handsome – The friendly neighborhood Sabziwala

Me: Hullo, English speaking?
T.F.N.Sabziwala: English Yes!

I sighed in relief.

Me: This man on phone, he not knowing English, I not knowing Tamil. Could you talk and help?

I crossed my fingers and my toes.

T.F.N.Sabziwala: Oh yes! Give phone.

What followed was a session of absolute gibberish to me. I tried guessing what was transpiring between the two from the expressions and tone of the Sabziwala. Finally I was told that the A/C delivery guy had reached there and was waiting for me.
I rushed back and asked a colleague who was to share the new house with me to get to the address to take the delivery while I’d wait for the luggage movers to drop in.

Later in the day, after the luggage had been moved and the A/Cs had been delivered, my colleague and I faced an even bigger challenge of handling the A/C installation guy who also just like his delivery counterpart had no idea about English. I gave up and let him do whatever he wanted. He knocked down the windows, cut the wood, and shoved the A/Cs into the walls. While he was at it, there were several instances when he asked us to choose between options. But his renditions were too complex for me to understand. I simply resorted to a simple O.K to his every query and hoped that the end result didn’t have the A/Cs cooling the other side of the walls.

It was late evening by the time the A/Cs were installed. I calculated that there was only enough time to get a cupboard so I went straight to a market which had a series of furniture shops.

I think the people here love to let their emotions flow over trifles. After trying about 3-4 shops when I couldn’t get a cupboard, I decided to ask for a Made to order cupboard. The small discussion that I had with one of the store owners is worth a mention.

Me: Can you make a cupboard on order?
Furniture Man (FM): Yes Yes!! We make on Orderr!
Me: O.K, so here are the dimensions…

I gave him the specifications which he jotted down with his tongue sticking out of the left of his mouth as if he was being strangled.

FM: O.K Sir! It Costing you 4,800 ruphees!
Me: Hmmm.. you see that is expensive , I am looking for a very basic one, can you make a cheap one?

I had never thought that asking a furniture guy to make a cheap cupboard could offend him. He looked at me with blood shot eyes and spat a litre of what I call the conversational spit as he replied.

FM: Cheap cupboard not PHossible ! QHuality not comPHromise!! 4800 BHest PHrice!! Cheap not GHetting anywhere in Chennai! Not PHossible!

I wiped my face, apologized and left.

Back at the guest house , I decided to call it a day and sat down to make the to do list for the next day. There was a small addition to the title though.
It read: To do (if possible.)

Regards,
The Blah Man

The Spelling Techniques of Chennai

I've recently moved to Chennai where I'd be taking up a new job. For the unitiated , Chennai is the southern most metropolitan of India. Everyone who gets to know of my current abode greets me with a "Tch tch.. I am so sorry for you" expression /tone.

I have no idea why they do so. In fact I dont even want to know.

One of the first things I noticed about this place is the way people spell here. Every proper noun with a "t" has to be spelt so as to make one throw the maximum spit out of one's mouth when pronounced- A deadly weapon to keep people from asking your name if you carry a "t" in yours.

E.g. Savita is spelled as S-A-V-I-T-H-A ,Gita is spelled as G-I-T-H-A and so on.

Although it is predominant in proper nouns, this technique of spelling/pronouncing is also efficiently utlized in other types of words or sentences. E.g. Common nouns : K-U-T-H-E! or B-A-T-H-A-M-E-E-Z (You get to call people names and also spit on them in disdain here)

At times, an extra "h" could also be added to an unsuspecting letter when there arent enough opportunities (i.e, "t"s) to spit while one says something. I could notice this only for hindi sentences since I am not familiar with Tamil.

E.g. "THumhara naam kHyaa hai" or for that matter - "THum THo thehre PHardesi, saath KHyaa nibhaoge"

All in all a brilliant idea to take people by surprise and moisturize their faces. As someone who practices this technique, you also stand a fair chance of being remembered as " The person who THOOK on the world"

My advice to all who enjoy this spitting act is "Spit thrills but Kills!" - Very original one would say.

Anyway, I am still in the process of dicovering the reason for this peculiar spelling technique in this part of the country. Any comments to enlighten me here are most welcome.

With warm and wet regards,

The Blah Man

P.S: Please ensure that your comments do not carry a lot of depth. I express my absolute inability in deciphering such comments

Rendezvous With a Doctor

It was a bright Sunday afternoon. I had been through a grueling week and was looking forward to spending some time doing what I do best- Nothing. It has always amazed me how busy I have kept myself all these years doing ‘nothing’ – an activity I started indulging in while I was an engineering student. My friends and I would get over with the classes and then dutifully visit ‘Pandey Café’ where we would sit for hours together munching on chips, talking and wasting the valuable time of some studious engineering student while trying to explain to him that life was about having fun and not stressing oneself out with studies. How doing ‘nothing’ translated into having fun is still beyond me. However, this Sunday afternoon I was determined to rekindle old memories of my engineering days and with no quizzes and presentations lined up, I was all set.

I had almost started feeling busy with my nothingness when I heard somebody knock at my door. I could never make a mistake in identifying that knock. A knock which carried the urgency of a person who had come to inform that the world was coming to an end in the next 5 minutes and we might want to bolt while we could. A knock typical of Shuvi.

Shuvi was one of my closest friends in business school. We had quite a few things in common- Short height, flair for speaking and arguing, falling hair, sense of humor and stomach disorders. In fact a lot of people would have regarded us Siamese Twins –similar and inseparable - had it not been for one big difference. Shuvi hated wasting his time in doing anything that he found unproductive. We had several arguments over how doing nothing could have its own productive outcomes but we could never agree with each other’s points of view. Shuvi believed that he had come to a business school to study business and this required him to stay busy all the time. Nothing could ever distract him from his studies except a health disorder. Shuvi was extremely cautious when it came to matters of his health. He had somehow concluded that all the bacteria, viruses and bugs in the world had resolved to make him sick and hence was always at war with them. He sprayed his room with myriad insect repellants which served a two fold purpose of keeping the insects as well as me away.

So when he knocked, I was sure that either he had come to remind me of my responsibilities towards a project work or there was something wrong with his health.
The very thought of doing some work disrupted the peace of my mind. I crossed my fingers and opened the door. The expression on Shuvi’s face cleared my doubts. Drooping eyes, emaciated face ­­­- I was relieved that it wasn’t about work!

Shuvi had been bitten by a bug a few days ago. The news would have made the headlines of our school newspaper (if there were one). You could observe people all over the campus talking in whispers about how a daring bug had managed to stay alive in Shuvi’s room and bitten him. It was noteworthy that everyone talked about it with respect like that for a martyr. It had succumbed to the fatal injuries after it had been squashed by Shuvi but had managed to hit its target before falling in the battlefield.

The bite had resulted in a boil which had grown bigger over the last few days .Shuvi was unable to concentrate on his business of being busy because of this so, of course, it called for immediate attention. I changed out of my pajamas and we decided to go to the official school doctor – Dr. Dhingra.

I had thought that the name was a mere joke when I had heard of it the first time from seniors. Dr.Dhingra sounded like a name straight out of a Hindi flick but other students had confirmed that he actually existed and I was waiting for an opportunity to see him.

We reached his clinic and waited for some time before he called us in. Dr. Dhingra was a short man with no neck and wore rectangular glasses which rested on his big-wide nose.

I had a feeling that this was going to be a memorable meeting. What happened next would best be described through the actual conversation that took place among us –

Shuvi and S: Good afternoon doctor!
DD: Good afternoon young men!

Shuvi took a seat next to the doctor while I sat across them.

Shuvi: Sir, I have been bitten by a bug on my neck and it’s not getting any better.

Dr.Dhingra observed the boil and smirked as if to mock at the boil and the late Mr. Bug

DD: Very well, here are a few medicines (he scribbled a couple of names in his illegible handwriting) take them for two days and you’d be fine!
Shuvi: Sir, are you sure that there wont be any side effects?

Dr. Dhingra’s facial expressions changed as if he had just been challenged for a duel. His nostrils flared and I could see his lungs through them now.

DD: SIDE EFFECTS????? Did you just say side effects??

I swear I would have apologized to him and promised never to use that word in my life had I been in Shuvi’s place, but even Shuvi seemed to be getting ready for the duel.

Shuvi: Yes Sir, aren’t allopathic medicines supposed to have side effects?
DD: Son, tell me one thing in the world which does not have side effects!

Shuvi smiled as if he had a winning answer to Dr. Dhingra’s question ready.
Shuvi: Water… water sir! It doesn’t have any side effects!
DD: Aha! Let us have a discussion on this one! I love discussions!

I was panicking! This wasn’t looking good.

Shuvi: Sure Sir…so what do you say about water, eh?
DD: You keep on drinking water …don’t stop and keep drinking. Eventually your brain would be bloated and you’d die – SIDE EFFECT!

Touché Doc! I thought as I nudged Shuvi to signal him to give it up. But Shuvi had taken up the challenge; he wasn’t going to run away from this one.

Shuvi: What about oxygen sir? We take it in all the time don’t we?
Dr. Dhingra glared at us. I thought his eyes were going to pop out any moment.

DD: Are you a science student?
S: Err…Yes sir I am!

I realized what a grave mistake I had committed the moment I said this. Dr.Dhingra had now assumed that I was an ally to Shuvi and I could see that I was going to be slaughtered.

DD: So, if I kept a man in an oxygen chamber for a few days and then I took him out, what would happen to him?
S: Well, I think he’d be just fine…. except of course he’d be furious for being locked in for so many days!
DD: Hah!

Dr. Dhingra looked at me and I knew something terrible was about to happen to me. I cowered in my chair.

DD: WRONG! He’d die!!! Because his body would have gotten used to all that extra oxygen and when he is brought out, he would die due to lack of desired amount of oxygen! To add to it, don’t you know that Oxygen helps in burning? What happens when you fry some stuff.... O2 breaks down into two atoms... if a few single atoms are left on the surface of the food when you eat it; they go down your throat burning everything in the way! Acidity......SIDE EFFECT! Beware of oxygen!

I was almost petrified. Never had I thought that oxygen could do so much harm. I held back my breath for sometime in fear but then concluded that it was better to die with oxygen than without it.

Shuvi and I had by now decided to give up. We found it necessary to keep our sanity. But Dr. Dhingra had smelled victory, he was going for the kill!

DD: O.K., tell me, is exercise good?

This was an easy one! We replied in affirmative vigorously nodding our heads.

DD: Wrong!! It’s BAD!

Now this put me off, I was quite a fitness freak then and I could argue that exercise if done properly could never harm.

S: But sir…
DD: No But! Listen to me first! How long does a tortoise live?
Shuvi: 150-200 years approximately.
DD: Have you people ever seen a tortoise which moves fast?
S: No sir. In fact it is one of the slowest creatures.
DD: Precisely! What about an elephant? How long does it live?
S: My guess would be around 70 years!
DD: Ever seen it move fast?
S: Nope!
DD: Now tell me how long does a mosquito or a house fly live?
Shuvi: A few weeks…. a couple of months at most!
DD: Don’t they keep fluttering around all the time without staying still a single moment?

We nodded in affirmative wondering what he was leading us to.

DD: See!! I told you!!! You move around a lot, you exercise a lot; your life span would be short. On the other hand, if you chose to be a slug, you’d live much longer!

We were baffled! I wanted to pull my hair out and scream. Even Shuvi looked like he’d been stung by a bigger insect.

Shuvi: Sir, I tell you, I have never been exposed to these universal truths before!
DD: Aww Come on! I was just warming up. By the way now that you have mentioned, I have some very potent arguments against some universally accepted theories!

We knew it; we had to make a dash. If we stayed any longer we’d need a psychiatrist so we got up at once.

Shuvi: Thank you sir. May be some other time. You see, we have a class!

Dr. Dhingra was clearly disappointed.

DD: Oh! I see. But you people can always come over later. It would be good fun having another discussion .What say?

We didn’t say anything! With our tails between our legs, we just ran. We ran till Dr. Dhingra’s clinic was out of sight.

Back to my room I slept like never before. In fact the effects of the rendezvous with Dr. Dhingra didn’t wear off till late evening and it took me 4-5 hours of absolute nothingness to recuperate. Shuvi simply dug his head into books and went into a self imposed exile till all the traces of the bug bite were gone though I am sure that the traces of Dr. Dhingra's atrocities would have taken a long time to vanish.

I had a couple of more visits to Dr.Dhingra over the next one year but I ensured that I never took the bait from him for yet another argument. As for the exercise, I gave it up.

Regards,

The Blah Man

An Experience

I did a two month internship in Mumbai in the summer of 2006. The place is full of challenges and made me realise that there is so much to learn in life. Some really funny things happened to me on the day I first set out for my training . There were two more friends with me. I scribbled my memories for the day in a mail and sent it over to friends for some fun filled reading. I think it deserves some space on my blog too...

I woke up at 6 in the morning.. perfect start of the day as planned a day before.. I am putting up at Chembur and had seen and studied my route to Worli ( my workplace) a day before. Sharp at 7 I left my place.. I was already feeling proud of how organized I had become in just 2 days in Mumbai. Took an Auto to chembur station, this was done deliberately though I had to catch my train from Kurla. The reason being that I had l learnt the other day that the ticket queues are long @ Kurla. After taking a first class ticket( I also learned that if one wants to go standing all the way, he should take a first class ticket.. in case you want to see yourself hanging out, the normal ticket would do) from Chembur, I carried on to Kurla in the Auto.. the long queue at the ticket counter there made me feel proud of my clairvoyance.

Like an innocent lamb ready to be slaughtered , having little idea of what lay ahead, I moved ahead.. just as I reached the platform, I realised that my train had arrived and was ready to move.. so I took a sprint... the first class had moved to the end of the platform so it was quite a chase.. as I stepped in, the train moved.. and I felt glad that I had won another battle.... however I felt a little uncomfortable by the way a girl sitting right in front was staring at me.. I thought maybe thats how girls in Mumbai are ( PLZ no offence intended to people from Mumbai\) and then there was another Aunty starring at me.. all this unnerved me a bit.. dressed in new crisp formal wear.. had I suddenly started looking that good? I was wondering ... and then I saw IT.. my jaw fell open and my face flushed.... there werent just two faces... there were many.. DAMN! In the hurry to get onto the train, I didnt realise what I had got into..

It was the LADIES' coach! for a moment I felt like jumping out... but then I had read of the countless deaths in Mumbai due to local train accidents.. I definetely had no intentions to form a news in the papers of the next day...so I stayed.. turning my face away and looking out all the time... the train had a small halt at a station and I changed my coach. Out of the train at Dadar, I felt releived .. I had just made it through a very hard time and I felt glad.

I took a Taxi from Dadar to Worli and reached a good one hour before time... I was feeling glad that I was so punctual. The reporting was @ 8:45.. Vineet and Rahul joined me by 8:40 and together we moved in like warriors who had come to conquer. Inside, we were asked to sit and wait..and wait we did... for 1 hour before we felt something was wrong.. I had kept on cursing the lack of proffessionalism on the part of the company all this while waiting for the HR Manager to arrive.. and now I was doubtful... why is it that its only the three of us who are there.. are we special enough to have a seperate induction amongst the 40 odd trainees?? We soon got the answer.. the Hr Manager arrived and was surprised to see us!" what are you guys doing here??" I thought-Ma'am.. we are here for the summer training remember?? She told us that the joining date had been postponed to 5th! and this was communicated to the place com!! . I felt a bit Hysterical.. but held on... she gave us our project breifs and asked us to be back on 5th with other trainees .. a peon had come in to ask for coffee.. we had even nodded our heads.. but seemed like he forgot and Ma'am bye byed us.

Outside the office, we decided to do some house hunting.. somebody told us of a place closeby where accomodation was available " baaju mein hai bhau... seedhe jaane ka!" he had said. So we walked... and we walked..3 Goddamn KMS!!! The guy at the location had just the right words to say to us.. " Kisne bola aapko? apan ke paas aisa koi accomodation nahi hai na!" hehe .. we couldnt beleive it .. screwed up again. We decided to chill out.. had seen enough action since morning.. it was time to unwind.. we moved ( in a bus) to crossroads ( one of the oldest malls in Mumbai) near Haaji Ali. After getting down , we decided to have something to drink... not in the mall... we werent stupid to spend 60 bucks each on something to drink while on our STs.. this was the time to learn.. time to save.. time to manage. We saw the answers to our problem.. there .. right in front of us a shop read" HAJI ALI JUICE CENTER" bingo! We went in and asked for 2 mango and 1 strawberry juice... and I tell you they were good!

Vineet, Rahul and I felt proud of our wise decision and praised the juice while we relished it and quenched our thirsts. " to bhau kitna hua?" ,I asked. I guess it was one of those days when it is predecided that anything and everything around you existed just to screw you. The man said " 210" hehe... we had had enough I went crazy laughing.. I couldnt beleive it... 70 Rs a glass...I swallowed my tears which had followed the laughter and paid.

We went to the mall.. all three of us shaken.. sat in Mc Donald's .. didnt have anything.. we had to save money.. came out went to the road side pao bhaji waala... ordered 3 sandwiches.. suddenly I remembered the lesson learnt not so long ago at the juice shop.. I asked " bhau yeh sandwich kitne ka hai?" " 35 Rs" , he said.. STOP!!! (I almost screamed). We later went to Mc Donald's and had burgers worth 40 Rs.. I was feeling good about myself.. had proven to be a quick learner. The last blow of the day came on our way back... Rahul had left and Vineet and I had to go in the same direction so we were waiting for a bus.. It took only 5 rs so it was quite cheap mode of transport.

A bus came by.. and we asked the conductor.."Worli?" He asked us to climb in and we were happy that we had made it before the mumbaikars as they sat at the bus stop.. probably crying over the lost opportunity that two guys from delhi had grabbed.. or so I thought. It turned out that the bus was an AC coach and we had two shell out 7 times the amount for a small ride to Worli . From Worli we took a NORMAL bus and came back.. exhausted, drained and flagellated. I slept like a dog last night.. Mumbai is going to teach me a lot of stuff.. at least now i know that road side juice waalas aint that cheap.

I guess life is all about making memories, I would love to make many more even if that means making a thousand mistakes worth laughing at in the end.....! Damn! Did I just sound sensible?

Regards,

The Blah Man